When you think of a strong woman, what comes to mind? Manipulative, controlling, bossy, aloof, and always busy? No, when I think of a strong woman, I think of a woman who is self-aware, perceptive, reasonable, and not afraid to share her time, her warmth and her love with the people in her life.
Yes, I am thinking about you. You are all of those wonderful things and more. You are beautiful. You are awesome. You deserve the best! And yet, for so long, you have been trapped in a stigma when it comes to love. You’ve tried to “play it dumb”, and found that men didn’t respond to the damsel in distress anymore. You’ve tried to “be yourself”, and found that wearing your power suit to a date didn’t work, either. Sometimes, you even wonder what “be yourself” truly means – does it mean your work self, your girl self, or your most vulnerable self (in front of Mom)?
The answer is, all of the above – just not all at the same time!
Personally, I love working with strong women – quite contrary to popular beliefs, I see that the hard work you’ve put into becoming successful in your career are not wasted or counterproductive when it comes to love. What make you successful at work will make you successful in love. Once you recognize the three secret powers you have already cultivated and how to exercise them in love, you will be unstoppable in finding and enchanting the love of your dreams. So, what are they?
1. They have learned to adapt rapidly to be effective in achieving your goal.
None of us was born to be completely dominant or submissive, completely masculine or feminine. Nature and nurture are both strong forces working in concert to create our experiences and expectations of ourselves and of others. It is not until the last hundred years of human history that nurture has encouraged strong women to be more assertive, strategic and logical to be effective at work – and look how far we’ve come! If anything, it shows you how rapidly you can adapt. So, if your goal in love is to find a man who is masculine, considerate and kind, I am confident in your capacity to flip the switch when you get off work, and adapt to your feminine, appreciative and caring self to attract him into your life, just like how my friend Michelle Zarin (link: http://michellezarrin.com) shared in her recent video (link: https://youtu.be/r6btxQ1fL3k) on the imbalance of feminine energy and how we can rebalance it, together.
2. They know what you want, how to ask for them, and when to walk away.
In your career, you’ve learned how to accurately assess your worth, how to evaluate opportunities, how to ask for what you want, and when to walk away. You’ve learned how to gauge the best timing and tactics to ask for a raise or promotion. You’ve learned to tailor critical conversations to any specific audience. It shouldn’t surprise you that what make you a good communicator and negotiator at work are exactly what will make you a good communicator and negotiator in love. Next time your needs are not being met in a relationship, I am confident you will be able to have an adult conversation with your partner without getting emotional or dramatic; I am confident in your persuasive power that makes both you and your partner feel happier and better understood, instead of angry or under attack. I am also confident you won’t be afraid to walk away with grace, if you realize the relationship no longer fulfills your needs or matches your self-worth. If you read my friend Harvey Deutschendorf’s (link: http://www.theotherkindofsmart.com) advice on Seven Steps To Getting Through Difficult Conversations (link: http://www.fastcompany.com/3054021/know-it-all/7-steps-for-having-difficult-conversations) (at work), you’ll be surprised how much you can apply the same, in love.
3. They understand the burden of responsibility; you are not afraid to take on your own share, and you are not afraid to collaborate with men.
What is the role of a strong woman today? She is no longer Nora from A Doll’s House, and yet she is still far from Furiosa from the latest Mad Max. Tremendous progress has been made by both men and women to understand each other and support each other on a much deeper level than ever before, and yet the reality today still requires women to shoulder the majority of the responsibilities when it comes to communication in relationships, child rearing, and rearing, building and nurturing the networks around families – in general. A truly strong woman today has a level-headed grasp of this reality and the responsibilities it entails, and she’s not afraid to assume her ever-more complex role – both to ensure the peace and prosperity within this reality, and to advance humanity for both genders to evolve to the next level through her work and through educating her children. To achieve both, she understands the road to success is not to compete with men but to collaborate with men. When you think of your life’s purpose and the meaning of love, I am confident you will think of it within the context of our reality, and I am confident you will think of something larger than yourself. Therefore, you will not be afraid to admit that you need a man’s help to achieve it together. When you do that, can you imagine how much a strong man would love to help?
If you are nodding with a smile right now, I know you already have these three secret powers in your possession. The real question is: what’s been hold you back from stepping into your role of a truly strong woman, and unleashing your secret powers in love?